Pious Ears, Billy!

Only when you face the rumours can you find the truth: a game of suburban moral horror. Written by Ian Price; extensive consultation on rules and setting with Stephen Mattson.

Living in the 80s, kids and teens had new entertainments their parents never did: color TV, video games, and D&D! Of course, many parents were suspicious of these new pastimes. Not only is change scary, but they’d heard scary stories about D&D luring kids into cults, and video games rotting their brains. Many youngsters were admonished not to listen to friends talking about these devil’s pleasures. “Pious ears, Billy,” or similar phrases, describe the idea of the time: just say no, just don’t listen. Of course, that didn’t stop the kids from playing their games in secret.

You play one of these 80s kids. You have no internet, you have your friends from school and the mall. Everybody’s heard different rumors. Some from their parents, some from other kids. More than half the rumors are fake. You can’t beat Robotron, it just gets faster until you die. The D&D Dungeon Master’s Guide doesn’t contain a satanic summoning ritual or instructions for holding an orgy. The main challenges you face are avoiding punishment by your parents for wasting your time on these games, and finding out which rumors and secrets are TRUE so you can one-up your friends by proving it.

But some rumors are really not safe. For ages and ages, teenagers have held orgies when away from parental supervision, but the dangers of teenage pregnancy, disease transmission, and social drama are very real. Actual cults exist, even if D&D isn’t one, and they use some of the techniques seen in the infamous Chick Tracts, making recruits push away other friends and trust only the cult. Trying out things parents don’t want you to do could also mean trying illegal drugs, or joyriding in a “borrowed” car. feckless teenage behavior can lead to debt, social ruin, illness, bodily injury, and even death.

In the world of this game, though, those are not the only dangers. Here, some really scary urban legends have a basis in fact. Most don’t. Bigfoot? A hoax. Summoning demons with the D&D manuals? As if. But the rare truths -- those capture the imagination. Not to mention the bragging rights. More than that, proving to an adult that you knew what you were doing, that they were wrong? That’s the holy grail. That could really change your life. Adults never believe you, and only because they see you as a kid. They’ll never really let you be who you want and do what you want until you get real respect, which they won’t award you for being a good kid. But they can and will punish you for being a bad kid. It’s a hell of a catch, that catch-22.

Unless you rebel, you can’t escape. What is there to escape? Spot checks of your drawers for drugs. “You shouldn’t hang out with those kids.” Barging into your room without knocking. Curfews before dark. Even if you have your own car, parking you into the driveway so you need permission to leave. “Who is that boy? Are you going to marry him?” Great expectations: you’ll go to the right school and get the right job and marry the right person (everything is always, always, so far right).

Seriously a blip

If the nail sticks up, it gets hammered down. Don’t make waves. The pressure to fit in from adults and from peers is intense. With pressure like that, of course you look for a way out. Everything around you feels fake and constructed because it’s forced, it’s for appearances, it’s hollow. You’re seeking something real, something that’s yours. You can’t find it in the box your family, school, church, and social norms put you in.

So, you look outside that box. You go for a walk in a graveyard after dark. You poke around the muddy lakeside where rumours say the mud monster lurks. You visit the haunted English building at the University campus. You ask around the arcade about that game that made people disappear or go crazy. The graveyard is spooky but you don’t see anything. The lake is just muddy. The night custodian runs you out of the English building. The arcade owner won’t answer any questions, but nobody actually saw anything happen. Your efforts always seem to dead end.

Risking your precious gasps of freedom on these pursuits can mean losing it, or getting in worse trouble. Getting grounded, losing car privileges, even public shaming can result. You don’t want to go through that; so you have to walk a fine line. If you’re going to check out that rumour after school, you need to make sure you don’t miss dinner with your family, or they’ll be suspicious. Naturally, they’ll jump to the worst conclusions, too. You must be out on a date having premarital sex, or worse, homosexual encounters … or doing illegal drugs. You’ve joined a gang, or a cult. You were too tired to get up early for church? Your soul is in danger!

Every bit of trust is valuable. Though you can’t get some kind of adulthood pass by toeing the line, you CAN get a few more freedoms by putting on a good face. So if you want to have time to check out the spooky cave below the highway on the edge of town, spend a week building up to it, getting home on time, showing up to family dinners, doing all your homework, buttering up mom and dad - then you’ll be more likely to get permission to go out with friends on Saturday. Just don’t let your folks find out you lied about where you were going, and why.

A support network of friends is an absolute necessity. Friends cover for each other, and pool resources and abilities to help each other out. Your friends want out of their repressed lives as much as you do, and you’ve all heard the same stories. The group of player characters will represent a core group of friends who are equally committed to the search, though there might be other friends who have useful skills, but are less committed. Use favors with them wisely, because if they lose the adults’ trust thanks to you, you’ll probably never get anything from them again.

Legends may be true. You’ll never prove a negative, your folks won’t ever admit your D&D group isn’t a cult, or the local arcade isn’t some gang hangout where you buy drugs. You might just prove one of the legends, though. That might gain you respect, or it might change things so much it no longer matters what the adults think because you’re your own adult now, and have your own truth outside their expectations. Don’t expect it to happen the first time, and it might not happen at all. Sometimes the struggle itself, the journey you take, is its own lesson. Chase the legend, and you may have the chance to become one -- or just to find your own story.